If you see an adult “Twilight” fan camping out for Friday’s premiere of the tween favorite do me a favor and mock them. ”It’s grown from something so small into something so huge,” says Eloisa Aguayo, 26, of San Diego, who also camped out for “New Moon” and “Eclipse.” Clutching Robert Pattinson fan magazines in [...]
Posts under ‘Americans scare me’
Weird overgrown adolescents camping out to see crappy flick
It’s not Tim Tebow’s fault I’m sick of Tim Tebow
I have no problem with the Denver quarterback, who seems genuine in his beliefs.
His cult-like fans, on the other hand …
Filed under: Americans scare me, cults, football
All I want for Christmas can be found on my Amazon wish list
You can tell a lot about a person by what they request on their Amazon wish list. (Just having an Amazon wish list says enough.) This 40something male, who shall remain nameless (thus the absence of a link), has roughly … Continue reading →
Who pays to see Amy Fisher’s husband fight Joey Buttafuoco?
Degenerate gamblers? Geraldo Rivera? People who still miss the XFL?
Also on the ticket: the dude whose wife left him for the 57-year-old guitarist for Journey, Jose Canseco (natch) and the Octomom (natcher).
Filed under: Americans scare me, washed-up …
Watch a gay redneck from Alabama dance enthusiastically, and other horrors
I’ve posted this before, and if you watched it then you’ll no doubt remember. If not, FF to the 1:22 mark and thank God you live in a world far removed from the Alabama junior miss pageant scene.
Filed under: Alabama, Americans scare me, …
I hate to become part of the problem but …
The American public, with a sizable assist from the navel-gazing media, is responsible for the virus knows as Kim Kardashian. I hate to contribute to the debasing of the culture by even acknowledging its existence but I can’t let this comment, contained within a letter to its “fans” regarding the demise of her 72-day marriage, [...]
I want to be a faceless sex object when I grow up
The Lingerie Football League plans to start a youth division. With the growing popularity around the LFL, younger and younger girls are starting to dream of playing LFL football. In recent months and years, parents of young ladies routinely contact LFL league offices inquiring about everything ranging from what size football do you use to [...]
Activist-speak
I’m thinking it’s time I found a new country.
Filed under: Americans scare me, The Occupants
Consumerist drones occupying America’s streets
Sunny Narshi, 22, could barely contain his excitement as he waited in line to buy the new iPhone 4S early Friday morning. He has owned every one of them. “And loved every single one,” he added. “I’m a proud iPhone … Continue reading →
Politics aside, the depth of the American 20something is pretty shallow
Forget, for a minute, the blinding agent that is partisan thought. Whether you agree with the aims of The Occupants or not, we should all be troubled by the the rambling incoherence produced by the American educational system. I’m beginning … Continue reading →
Metro Atlanta students saved from presidential brainwashing
“You guys are growing up faster and interacting with the wider world in a way that old folks like me didn’t have to,” Obama said. “So today, I don’t want to be another adult who stands up to lecture you … Continue reading →
Hot 4 Uncle Sam
From the classic South Park episode, “Christian Rock Hard”: Executive: We just have one question, though. We were looking over some of your lyrics. (reads lyrics) I want to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus on a private beach for two. I want him to nibble on my ear and say “I’m here for you”. It seems [...]
White Castle and the Fatman
One devoted White Castle customer is suing the restaurant chain because he can’t fit into the restaurant’s booths. Martin Kessman, who weighs 290 pounds, complained to management for more than two years after repeatedly knocking his knee into the tables’ metal supports. After the 64-year-old New York stockbroker sent a series of letters of complaint [...]
Awww, she’s dressed just like a hooker
What’s more disturbing: A three-year-old’s mother dressing her up as a prostitute, or the audience (made up, presumably, of parents) demonstrating their approval?
Filed under: Americans scare me, child exploitation
Feed 45 Somali children or a Flo bobblehead?
According to UNICEF, a $10 donation will feed 10 starving East African children for 10 days. Tough call: Spend $45 for a bobblehead of that annoying Progressive pitchwoman or feed 45 Somali youths for 45 days. Filed under: Africa, … Continue reading →
