I think I'll have Special K with my underage porn tonight

Repeat offender Charlie Sheen, who pleaded guilty to assaulting his wife, received the mandatory no setence today in Malibu. He’ll serve literally seconds behind bars.

Sheen’s reaction? “I’m going to Disneyland.” Your duty? Never give that miserable vermin another dime of your money. He makes Chris Brown look like Alan Alda.

So it was a learning experience … interesting. I’ve learned never to trust weepy narcissists who beat up women.

An “insider” says he used eyedrops for his recent onstage sob-fest.

More second chances for thugs like Brown = more women getting beat up. As Oprah said, it a man hits you once, he’ll do it again.

On a lighter note, what kind of pussy falls to ground weeping midway through a Michael Jackson song? What a disgrace.

Andisheh summed it up best: Man who beat his girlfriend offers heartfelt tribute to man who molested children.

Then, as Brown grabbed a microphone to sing “Man in the Mirror,” he broke down in tears. His voice cracked, he couldn’t sing, and at one point he crumpled to the stage in apparent agony. It was a moving moment made even more so by the song’s lyrics and his own recent past.

He’s never shown genuine remorse for beating the shit out of Rihanna and has whined about being a victim since his arrest. Shame on those so eager to rehabilitate the whiny bitch!