grimace was a dominant top

Thank God for the brave culture warriors leading the boycott of McDonald’s, which has aggressively promoted the gay agenda for more than a generation.

Certainly I wasn’t the only one who noticed the absence of females from McDonaldland. Ronald McDonald? More like Ronald McDandy. Grimace was an obvious phallic symbol (swollen penis, perhaps)? And what about Mayor McCheese’s oversized head? These sodomites aren’t subtle when it comes to recruiting your children.

“WOW!! Terrorism = Homosexuals = McDonalds What’s next McDonalds? Beastiality?” (via the Boycott McDonald’s site)

You know it’s coming

Sample dialogue:

“Give me liberty or give me Seka.”

“I cannot tell a lie. That was the best blowjob I ever received.”

Erotic and educational, the tea party porn collection will rebut leftist myths like the one about George Washington’s wooden dick.

It’s hard to remember why we love sports sometimes. Mark McGwire? More like Mark McLiar! And I’ll BCin’ ya, BCS!

But then… then you come across the story of Ripon College sophomore Danny Jennings.

You see, all Danny wanted to do in life was play basketball. Think YOU love hoops? Well, Wild H-O-R-S-E-S couldn’t drag Danny away from the game he loved! The boy would spend hours every day shooting free throws. Would stay out in the driveway all day until his mother chased him inside after dusk. He even came home during lunch every school day to practice his alley oop passes. You talk about LOBsessed!

A White House plane carrying Michelle Obama came dangerously close to a 200-ton military cargo jet and had to abort its landing at Joint Base Andrews on Monday as the result of an air traffic controller’s mistake, according to federal officials familiar with the incident.

I hear Bill Ayers was flying the First Lady’s plane.

It started with Valentine’s Day. You may recall I spearheaded a boycott of Hallmark for their lack of same-sex Valentine’s cards. And what does Quinn give me on that special day? A Hallmark card. I was so outraged and he didn’t even care. His words, and I quote: “It’s just a card.”

Just a card. And I guess “I love you” are just words. I had invested so much time mentoring Quinn, teaching him to take offense at almost everything. We were making great progress (though he was much too selfish when it came to orgasms), but his insensitivity was so dramatic I had to end it. You know what he told me? “That’s okay. I’ve been cheating on you.” I stood there, trying not to collapse, but I did. Quinn said “what-ever” and walked away.

The next day, my birthday, I received only 41 Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook. That’s 47 less than a year ago. I know it’s not anything I did, it’s my so-called friends. I showed them, un-friending everyone who had something better to do than recognizing the date of my birth. Fuck them!

I haven’t been back to Smoothie King since the break-up. Believe it or not, they don’t allow for personal days so I told them I had a tummy ache. Assholes! They say if I don’t come in tomorrow don’t come in at all. After what I’ve been through, this is how they treat me.

I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I fantasize about jumping off an interstate overpass during rush hour, just to tie up traffic for hours and hours. Don’t worry — I’d never do it. I am much too valuable to the equality movement. I know this.

But sometimes I feel so alone, which is how I celebrated my birthday, curled up in bed watching Season 1 of “Glee” with my cats Harvey and Fierstein.

I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?

• Counselors will be available in all Texas public schools this week to help students with the tragic loss so much Gulf crude. #p2#sboe 5:26 PM May 3rd via TweetDeck
• On this day in 1954, the great Sen. Joe McCarthy captured the hearts of patriotic Americans during his televised Senate hearings. #p2#sboe 2:43 PM Apr 22nd via TweetDeck
• REMINDER: Texas public transit will not operate today so employees can celebrate Earth Day with their families. #sboe#p2#tcot 10:22 AM Apr 22nd via TweetDeck
• Texas government offices will close 2 hours early today in observance of the 17th anniversary of series debut of Walker, Texas Ranger. 4:03 PM Apr 21st via TweetDeck
• On this day in 1964, Che Stadium opened in freedom-hating New York City. #tcot#p2#sboe#savehistory 11:49 AM Apr 17th via TweetDeck
• Happy Birthday 50th bday John Schneider, who portrayed States’ Rights Activist Bo Duke in the CBS docudrama The Dukes of Hazzard. #p2#sboe 12:01 PM Apr 8th via TweetDeck
• On this day in 6000 B.C., God buried a dinosaur bone to test our faith. #sboe#savehistory#p2#texastextbooks
• Today in 1968, black socialist agitator Martin Luther King, Jr. visited Memphis to start trouble. #sboe#savehistory 9:52 AM Apr 3rd via TweetDeck
• On this day in ’81, Pres. Reagan used magical bracelets to deflect 5 of 6 bullets fired at him by Hollywood lesbian Jodie Foster. 9:47 AM Mar 30th via TweetDeck
• On this day in 1620, the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, near Galveston. #TexasTextbooks 4:09 PM Mar 16th via web
• On this day in 2005, conservative activist Terri Schiavo was murdered. #sboe#savehistory#tcot#p2 8:31 AM Mar 31st via Twitterrific
• On this day in 1918, Texas women gained the right to vote for their husbands’ preferred candidates in state primaries. http://bit.ly/b1LLib 10:44 AM Mar 26th via TweetDeck

• Is Kristy McNichol the Greta Garbo of tomboy child actresses?
• For years I thought Elton John and Olivia Newton-John were married, but of course that’s impossible since he’s British and she’s Australian.
• Just finished Paul Reiser’s “Couplehood” — it was every bit as delightful the fourth time. Next up: “The Bridges of Madison County.”
• How come Angela Lansbury never had sex on ‘Murder She Wrote?’ She was rich, attractive and always seemed to be going up in a hot air balloon.
• Bring back “Becker” — stat!
• Whenever I face a tough decision I ask myself, “What would Mike Farrell do?”
• I was skeptical, but “Step Up: 3D” is the best of the Step Up trilogy.
• Tyler Perry should remake “Patch Adams” with an African-American cast. “Patches Adams,” starring Will Smith — a blockbuster w/ heart.
• Is there an accent Kevin Costner hasn’t mastered?
• Why do so many “That’s Incredible!” fans refuse to recognize “Real People,” and vice-versa? I loved ‘em both.
• Words of wisdom from my good friend, Kenny Loggins: “I am not free if my freedom is predicated on reacting to my past.”
• The only tea party I care about is the one held at Rip Taylor‘s house each April.
• What if “Kate and Allie” had met “My Two Dads?
• Enough with these ridiculous rumors about John Travolta’s sexuality. I know for a fact that he couldn’t keep his hands off Dame Edna.
• I’m told Pat O’Brien is drinking again. You didn’t hear it from me.
• I wish I could meet the Fockers every holiday season. Finally, a role worthy of Robert DeNiro’s talents.

• Billy Zabka is nothing like the preppy villains he portrayed on-screen. A true gentleman, just like the late C. Thomas Howell.
• Can someone explain to me why Matt LeBlanc is not a movie star?
• I’m pitching a new reality show: Sheldon Greenbriar’s Burbank. Thanks for the inspiration, Gov. Palin.
• Speaking of inspiring, Paula Poundstone‘s new one-woman show will make you laugh, cry and think.
• I’m told Pat O’Brien is drinking again. You didn’t hear that from me.
• I wish I could meet the Fockers every holiday season. Finally, a role worthy of Robert DeNiro’s talents.
• My sources tell me Michael McDonald is busy recording a CD of prog rock covers. Can’t wait.
• A challenge for Mr. Buggles. If video killed the radio star, what killed the video star? I suspect the information superhighway.

Well, I best return to my banana flambe. Merry X-mas, and to my Jewish friends, Happy Kwanzaa!