To Craigslist: “If you make words plural by using an apostrophe, please do not apply for this position.”

To a colleague: “I used to spend 10 hours on a paper to get an ‘A’ instead of a ‘B’. Now, I spend 10 hours on a paper so that a young man can get a check for $32,000 and access to medical care.”

To a blog commenter: “I think the 20+ glue traps and 10+ bags of poison have taken care of them, but if one of the little bastards shows up again, I’ll certainly call your husband. Thanks for your concern.”

To our 15 yo: “I’m not accusing you of engaging in this type of behavior, but I want you to read this article so that you can instruct folks around you of the legal consequences of their actions, as I’m certain many of them will engage in this behavior.”

To Pretty Bride: “At some point, you’re going to have to decide whether you want some batshit crazy bitch who had an extra $50,000 the opportunity to dilute your brand.”

To my work wife: “I don’t care anymore if I can afford it, when I’m working 10 hour days and can’t tell you how many cases I have any more, I need to pull the trigger on hiring full-time help. Finally.”

To my 4yo: “I know you like to surprise Daddy by crawling into the bed at 6am and then crawling across him, but Daddy has tender parts that don’t like your knees. At all.”

To an additional writing invitation: “I’d love to, but I have a huge fear of commitment when it comes to blogging these days. Have too many balls in the air.”

To another writing invitation: “Let me think about it. I wrote one post about it. I don’t know that I’m ready to tell the whole story yet.”

To Twitter:  “I guess I can’t have ‘cock ring Friday’ if I’m having visitors in the office, can I?”

To a friend I’ve had since ‘83:  “I would never tell you this sober, but you two monkeys are two of my favorite people in this God-forsaken world of ours.  Stay cool.  Stay cool forever.”

To a prospective client:  “Having your manager take a shit in the bathroom you’re cleaning after you ask him to please wait until you finish is likely awkward and undesirable, but it’s hardly a reason to sue your employer.”

actor. writer. comedian. producer. mother of alice.

“If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.”

Isabella Rossellini is ballsy. She is an actor, model, writer and mother, whose career choices are character driven and reflect a wide range of female personalities, which is not easy for women to accomplish in Hollywood. Early on, we knew her as gorgeous and deranged in Blue Velvet and in recent years, she proved to be light and hilarious in guest appearances on Friends and 30 Rock.

Isabella’s latest project called Green Porno is a quirky example of thinking outside of the Hollywood typecasting box. It’s a series of short videos where she portrays the mating rituals of animals. She writes, produces and acts in these videos that are featured on the Sundance Channel. Rather than play grandmotherly roles in big budget films, Isabella has dedicated her efforts to these educational shorts, which help raise awareness for the environment and show appreciation for the creatures that walk, feast, and mate on this earth. As I said, she’s ballsy. It takes guts to dress up as a squid and talk about ink squirting from your anus. Then again, she is a mother, and we can be pretty stinkin’ brave. Because once you’ve shit on yourself in childbirth with a camcorder or camera capturing the blessed event, embarrassment is no longer part of your lexicon.

“I can say i love you with my whole 3 hearts.”

actor. mother of natasha and courtney

“You get tough in this business, until you get big enough to hire people to get tough for you. Then you can sit back and be a lady.”

actor. comedian. mother of julian

“I’ve learned you can make a mistake and the whole world doesn’t end. I had to learn to allow myself to make a mistake without becoming defensive and unforgiving.”

actor. comedian. model. film and television executive. mother of lucie and desiderido

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.”

new journalist. novelist. screenwriter. playwright. magical thinker. mother of quintana roo dunne

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.”

actor. writer. mother of richard jr

“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”