The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn’t change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Fearful that they could be forced, among other things, to extend employee benefits to same-sex married couples, church officials said they would have no choice but to abandon their contracts with the city.

“If the city requires this, we can’t do it,” Susan Gibbs, spokeswoman for the archdiocese, said Wednesday. “The city is saying in order to provide social services, you need to be secular. For us, that’s really a problem.”

They might as well have released a statement that said specifically, “We, the Catholic Church, hate the idea of gay people getting married so much, that we will turn our backs on the charity we provide to people that desperately need it. If you, the state that gives us some of the money that allows us to do that charity force us to follow your rules, we won’t provide those services anymore. Our hatred is so strong, that we are willing to publicly paint ourselves as haters just to prove how much we feel and want to perpetuate that hate. Hate, hate, hate; that is what we are all about. Erm, I don’t know how to end… I guess, Love, the Catholic Church.”

Now, the Catholic Church has a strong track record of doling out their own specifically interesting breed of hatred, so this isn’t really a surprise to me. However, it is highlighting the fact that if you didn’t think they could go lower, oh boy, you were wrong; there is no telling how low the Catholic Church will go in the name of hatred over what they decide is wrong. I am sure that Jesus would love the idea of turning your back on the needy just to prove a point, Catholic Church. Y’all truly are a “city on a hill”.

Finally, I do have to say, directly to the Catholic Church in DC; if you are so upset with being told to treat people equally, why not give up your tax exempt status, and stop receiving city funds? Additionally, the statement released accused this measure of ignoring religious freedom, which it doesn’t do; what it does, is it highlights the importance of following the covenant laid forth in the constitution, that there be a separation of church and state, and as such, one can practice which ever religion they want. If you don’t want the government making decisions, and “controlling” your religion, then stop accepting money from them and expecting differential treatment; you can’t have it both ways.

- This blog post about the (possibly diminished) potentiality of Adam Lambert’s success in the American conservative driven music market is a great read. When a queer artist doesn’t make it in the US music market, it’s difficult not to tie that to the fact that they are gay; especially when they can only be described as stellar (like him or not, Adam can really sing). If you look at artists like Will Young, Scissor Sisters, Mika, Westlife, and other queer artists that are hugely famous overseas that never get radio play here in the states, it gets even harder to not draw those same conclusions. While it was pretty clear that Adam lost American Idol because he was gay, as middle America was probably risking burning their houses down from all the rotary dialing in order to prevent that queer from beating the little straight guy, I hope that his sexuality doesn’t ruin his music career before it even starts. The boy is extremely talented, and I hope that he finds the success he deserves. Even more so, I wish American’s had more brains than they do drive to stamp out things they don’t understand, or things they equate to different, and therefore wrong.

- This makes me want to puke. Seriously? Censoring a children’s book because a character has two moms? What the fuck is offensive about SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE? Seriously, people that believe that this type of scenario is in any way offensive or “harming to them” needs to walk over and tell me in person so I can slap in the face like the fools they are. Seriously people, gay people and gay families are normal. Deal with it. If you want to “shelter” your child and your family from it, kindly pick up and go live in a shack in the woods where you won’t bother the rest of society, okay? (h/t to the the amazing jacksonpearce)

- Kind of related to the children’s book mentioned above, Towleroad reported about a gay family that made a video, acting out a book that is also getting a lot of negative attention because two princes get married and live happily ever after. This book is being slandered to spread hate in the Yes on One anti-gay marriage campaign in Maine. Here’s their video:

Not only was this video incredibly adorable, but they have made many more, using their family as a beautiful example of what is normal about gay families. I want to personally applaud those guys for what they are doing. Gay families are normal families, and the people behind these horrible campaigns like Prop 8, and now Prop 1 in Maine, should really take a look and see who’s lives they are messing with. The hypocrisy behind anyone saying they are anti-gay marriage because of “family values”, “morality”, and “protection of marriage” when everything they are doing against gay marriage is in spite of those very things, drives me insane. When will people learn to just butt out of our lives, and stop seeing who we are as offensive to them; especially when it has NO IMPACT on them in any way?

Hopefully, my weekend will be better than my week was.

With that being said, there is some great news that may signal a good weekend ahead: The Senate approved the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes bill on Thursday. While it bothers me somewhat that there were 29 who voted against it, I am more than happy this important legislation passed through the senate, and is on its way to becoming the real deal when Obama hopefully signs it into law. For those naysayers, I hope that you understand that the reason why it is important, is because these safe guards are already afforded to everyone else EXCEPT gay people. This is a real step in the direction towards gay people having equal civil rights, and it should be celebrated. Here’s to civil rights and equality for all… including gay people!!

I’ve really enjoyed every episode of Modern Family that I’ve seen thus far, and I am excited to see what this show has in store for us. Wednesday nights at 9 just keep getting better and better.

I have always had a “thing” against Madonna, which is noticeably strange for someone who loves pop music as much as I do (seriously… two words: Britney Spears). I find it interesting, that it wasn’t until I read his post, that I put two and two together, and realize that I think at least a portion of my history of “hate” for Madonna comes from not wanting to like her because of who she is and what she represents.

For one, Madonna, like it or not, has a strong affiliation with the “idea” of being gay. I remember school when I was younger, and it was pretty much a given that on any day, I was going to be called a faggot/ sissy/ girl/ pussy/ fag at some point by someone; regardless of whether or not I was “queeny”, “faggy”, “girly”, or overtly “homosexual” in the slightest. It was just the way it was. It was my reality from pretty much the first day of elementary school, on up through the end of high school (even though it continued in college, it was noticeably changed). As a result, I tried really, really hard to stay away from anything that would further label me as what I was; and unfortunately, exactly what I didn’t want to be in any way, shape, or form. When those kids were calling me whatever their chosen gay-indicative expletive of the day was, they were labeling me as gay, and at the same time, indicating that being gay was not only “not okay”, but that it was really, really bad. As such, being gay was the last thing on the planet I wanted to be, even though I was; talk about inner conflict.

I remember when I was in middle school, and the song Vogue became popular, and a friend of mine named Nikki did the entire dance routine for our gym class during “dance week” (whoever thought that was a good idea should be tortured, because I got teased incessantly because of my even being preset that week). I remember loving the song, and really liking her performance, but I found myself cowardly wanting to shun Nikki for doing her dance, and in effect, distance myself from liking anything about it. I honestly think that this moment really shaped how I would feel about Madonna up until this very moment.

There is a part of me that definitely, whether I want to admit it or not, STILL has a shred of disdain for the fact that I am gay. Now, that is not to say that I “don’t like who I am”, or that I “hate myself for being gay”, because those vastly overstep the boundary of this disdain of which I speak. I’m saying that there is a part of me that dislikes the fact that I am the very thing that many people out there consider to be bad, wrong, and love to express their hatred for; which comes from growing up with people berating me with this very sentiment day in and day out. When I am riding in my car with the widows down, and I am playing something especially “gay”, I still always turn it down when someone pulls up next to me. There is something in me that will always remain guarded, and as such, I try to hide the fact that I am gay to random strangers sometimes. It sounds completely stupid when I say it out loud, but this is an example of the part of me that wants to hide the fact that I am gay, because of that disdain I have for it; which again, stems from being made fun of and judged as a child. The shitty part, is that I always find myself doing it again, because that disdain (however small it may be) lives on.

I realize now, that I have written off my feelings about Madonna as “hatred”, because other gay men seemingly follow her every foot step, and hang on her every word, and that disdain in me made me want to distance myself from anything that would paint me as so overtly gay. As I read Rich’s post, I found myself back in that auditorium, watching Nikki bravely perform to Vogue, wishing I could be as brave as she, but cowardly wishing that no one would see me enjoying her performance, for fear that I would be further berated for being a fag.

I hate that I let myself think this way, and I hate even more that this disdain exists within me, but at least I realize that I cannot let it make judgments about things such as liking Madonna for the rest of my life. Even though this is a small step towards totally making the aforementioned realization a reality, today I have identified the fact that my disdain for Madonna represents (at least in part) my personal turmoil with being gay, and the conflict I have had with it for as long as I can remember. I disliked her, openly hated her, and even mocked her because of what she represents and who she is. Yet the fact still remainded that Madonna is a woman who can do what she wants, and doesn’t get called a faggot because she takes dance classes, and enjoys extremely “gay”, poptastic music. She is a woman who has constantly put herself out there as a symbol of something “gay”, and while other gay men have lopped up everything she offered, I realize that I have shunned her because of what it would mean if I grabbed my spoon and joined the feast. Instead of hating her music, or disliking her as a person, I have been disliking what “liking her” would mean all of these years.

I have to say, that I didn’t expect a blog post about Madonna to open my eyes to something this deep, but I guess it goes to show that you never know who is going to turn a mirror on you, and show you who you really are inside. I hope that I can work on eliminating all final shreds of disdain for who I am someday; because I think that I would be a much happier person as a result. Now, one thing is for sure, I am going to go and enjoy some fucking Madonna; because save Ray of Light, she made had some great music, and it is high time I get caught up!

Finally, I want to extend a huge thank you to Rich for his post; great work all around.

Now, I am going to say this to warn you, I am going to discuss something that happened on the show last night, so you have been forewarned of spoilers, and should stop reading now if you haven’t seen the episode/don’t want to see this spoiler.

On last night’s episode, Kurt came out to his father (he came out in the episode before it too, and while I’m glad they covered him coming out, I really hope the whole season isn’t Kurt coming out to people) and while I thought it was really touching, it was what was said said during their conversation that really hit me. Mike O’Malley (who’s kind of adorable) played Kurt’s father, and after Kurt came out to him, he said to him, “I’ve known since you were 3. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.”. While his follow up was hilarious, I can’t help but focus on his initial response: “I’ve known since you were 3.”. For me, an unavoidable question arose when I heard that statement: why didn’t you say anything, then?

This reminds me of a scene from the first season of (the American version) Queer as Folk, where Justin’s mom Jennifer is talking to Debbie about their respective gay sons. Jennifer was having an issue with talking to Justin about it (I think it was about getting confirmation that he was indeed gay), when Jennifer said something to the effect of “when did you know your son was gay?”. Debbie’s response really resonated with me in the same way Kurt’s father’s response did; however, she took it a crucial step farther. Debbie tells her that she had always known, and quips to Jennifer that parents always know; which is the reason that she went to her son and talked to him about it, so that he wouldn’t have to face the difficulty of coming to her on his own.

What I wanted to get at with writing about this is, if parents know their child is gay, why don’t they talk to them about it, instead of making us go through the process of coming out? Even if you aren’t 100% sure your child is gay, at least going to them, and talking to them makes it easier for them to know that things are going to be okay. Coming out was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and unfortunately, I got that same response from my parents, “we’ve always known”.

This time I was asking myself: since they knew, why didn’t they say anything? Since they knew, why did they make me go through the pain of having to come to them, on my own, to tell them? I am sure they had to of noticed how hard it was for me to do it, and what I went through all of those years prior to your official confirmation, so again, why did they wait?

I think that many parents are afraid to take responsibility for things, and as such, are afraid to talk to their kids about things that are affecting them. This is a major reason why some parents are terrified to talk with their kids about sex, which, just like ignoring the gay issues, has its own set of consequences. It’s incredibly difficult for me to understand how you can be someone’s parent (or guardian), and not want to protect and love your child as much as humanly possible. It would seem to me, that this would include making things better for them in any way I could (in this case, making their lives easier by helping them come out by going to them first and letting them know it is okay).

Unfortunately, I know there are people out there that are just downright horrible people, and many of those people would likely cause harm to their child if put in this situation; and as such, these are not the people I am asking to answer this question. A friend of mine in college named Mandy was thrown out by her parents when they found out she was indeed a lesbian, and they cut her off completely. People like that should really be ashamed of themselves, but are clearly so selfish, that I am certain that isn’t possible. Yet, parents that aren’t horrible people like the ones I just mentioned, still let their kids go through the painful process of discovering who they really are alone. I just don’t get it.

I once dated someone whose parents came to him and discussed his sexuality before he came out to them, and they had an amazing relationship. I always admired them for their being so forthcoming with him, and making the issue of his sexuality something that helped him, instead of hurt him. By opening up to him, he wasn’t forced to go the often difficult journey of discovering who you are, and coming out, alone. Seeing it practice even strengthened my curiosity as to why so many parents don’t do the same thing his parents did for him.

I can tell you, that if I ever have kids, no issue will be “off the table”. I think one of the best ways you can show your child that you love them, is by not keeping vital information that you know they are struggling with to discover themselves to yourself; the damage that could arise always outweighs the discomfort you might feel engaging in a sensitive conversation. If there is anything that I would want to come out of this, is if any parent reads this, and you think your child might be gay, talk to them about it. The worst thing that could happen, is that you make their life easier in the process; and isn’t that what every good parent wants for their child?

So why was the raid even carried out? If the undercover officers were present prior to the raid, as was reported by the police, they would have been able to observe that NO sex acts were occurring, right? Yet, they continued with the raid; which makes this excuse invalid. Additionally, after the raid, and even after no drugs were found (the other so-called reason for the raid), they checked each person’s ID, and ran background checks in what seems like a clear attempt to “find something”. At best, the only claim that they have, is that undercover cops should have arrested someone having sex or using drugs at the time they witnessed it; otherwise, it’s a moot point, and frankly, a half-assed excuse that does not justify the events that occurred last Thursday night.

Now, I am not saying the Eagle is perfect by any means, but if you give two reasons why you raided a bar, and the treatment of its customers was harsh and anti-gay at best, you have to at least substantiate those claims in your explanation, Officer Pennington. Saying that it was “suspicion” isn’t good enough, especially when you again, consider the treatment of the patrons. This statement is essentially admitting that the police involved illegally detained people, searched them, and then illegally ran background checks on them; and that it is okay, even though they lacked the proper lawful permission to do so. I just want to know why the police, who are supposed to be bound by the law, are apparently above it?

This is the part of his statement that probably angers me the most (from the article linked above):

He also expressed regret that Danni Lynn Harris, the department’s liaison with the gay and lesbian community, had not been notified of the raid.

“She should have been invited,” Pennington said. If she had been there, the chief said, any inappropriate behavior by the officers could have been curtailed.

“This is very unfortunate this incident occurred,” Pennington said. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

So, Officer Pennington, their behavior should only be kept in check when another gay officer is around? I don’t know what bothers me more; the fact that she wasn’t there to “keep them in line”, or the fact that these officers are apparently such bigots at heart, that these checks and balances are even necessary. I thought policemen and policewomen were supposed to protect us, all of us; regardless of race, gender, religion, or orientation? Apparently, that only applies when your community liaison is present.

Again, I’m calling bullshit, Officer Pennington. I only hope the investigation of these events, is not over run with the deception that already clearly blankets this situation in fog. This was a clear violation of the rights of those involved, and I hope that the Atlanta police are held responsible for their actions. It boggles the mind to see that crime is escalating in the manner in which it is throughout Atlanta, yet, in a 1960’s fashion, police officers are beating down the doors of a gay bar because of suspicion that “something unsavory is going on in the dark”. It’s good to know that my tax dollars are hard at work.

Du-Wayne Ray, store manager of Rawhide Leather, which operates below the Eagle, said that he and one of his employees heard one white uniformed officer say to another, “This is a lot more fun than raiding n***ers with crack.”

Ray said he was handcuffed for an hour-and-a-half to two hours on the back deck of The Eagle, and said, “A lot of anti-gay comments were made.”

This is an outrage. Atlanta police should be extremely forthcoming with formal apologies to anyone and everyone involved; additionally, a formal apology to the gay community should be submitted. This level of discrimination is shocking and unbelievable; especially when it comes from the very people that are supposed to keep us safe. Bigotry in any form cannot be tolerated, and this again, is just shocking to know that it came from Atlanta police officers.

I honestly can’t believe that this happened, here in Atlanta, last night. I thought we were living in a more progressive city, but it just goes to show, you aren’t safe from discrimination anywhere.

I know it may seem “meager” or “nit-picky” but it’s honestly little things like this that constantly reaffirm the second class status of gay people. I ended up emailing them, because sometimes, it really is simple ignorance, and I was hoping that was the case in this instance. Here was the email I sent:

I just took the survey on your website after committing to buy one of your products, and I find it interesting that you don’t offer an option for same sex couples. Clearly, we cannot get married in most parts of the US, as well as most of the world, and I am slightly offended that I was required to answer the question as a part of your survey; because I am neither single, NOR married. Granted, I didn’t have to take the survey, but since I did, I felt compelled to drop you a line to let you know that a simple inclusion field for partnered/in a relationship would clear this whole thing right up; that, or not requiring that I answer the question with an incorrect answer. Thanks, Duane Moody

They replied with:

Hi Duane,
You are absolutely correct. We need to fix this survey right away – and we will do so as soon as possible.

Like I said, this may be incredibly minor, but when you take a bunch of minor things (as well as some major ones) they start to really add up after a while, and every new one is just a reminder of every other one before it. I can now cross this one off the list, and appreciate the fact that they responded quickly and kindly. I am sure that a lot of people see it as complaining, and sweating the small stuff, but I see it as all part of the bigger picture. We have to be recognized as equal; not just considered later when we bring it up that we were excluded.

This is not really a “little thing”, but there was a raid on the Eagle last night, that reeks of Stonewall-esque civil rights infringement, and it really brings home the point that I am trying to make about our struggle being FAR from over. Some thoughts about the Eagle raid: while they may have gone in on suspicion of “seedy” behavior, and they may have been well within their rights to shut things down for not having the proper permit, from the sound of it, they had a very heavy hand in doing so. I know that if I would have been there, legally drinking in a bar, one that holds a legal liquor license, and would have been handcuffed OR searched, without explanation, I would have been outraged. Even though I wasn’t there, I can’t help but read this, feel as though The Eagle and its patrons were being targeted because it was a gay establishment. I don’t like to think those things, but the description (especially the recall of one person who was there) of the event, makes almost impossible not to.

Honestly, if it is what it sounds like it is, it is really unbelievable that it happened; not only in Atlanta, but in 2009. I, for one, would like to know why the cops aren’t out there working on stopping the violent crimes that have been escalating over the past couple of years; instead of raiding gay bars? If we have such a “shortage” of funds and police force, why are they focusing on the lack of a permit for dancers in a gay bar, instead of bigger, more dangerous stuff? Couldn’t they have issued some kind of warning, or citation that would certainly wouldn’t necessitate a raid? Again, the more I look at this situation, the more it reeks of discriminatory action. I’m interested to see how this Eagle raid story develops, and I hope that it doesn’t fall squarely on the ever-growing list of acts discrimination against gay people in this country; because whether the items are big or small, it’s a really long list.

Here’s what he said (the first time around), in “response” to my review of my experience at Green’s Liquor store:

After reading Duane M. review of Green’s Beverage Store, I had to fire back. I visit Green’s Beverage store once or twice a month. Everyone there has always been very nice and helpful.
However, I have never carried a purse and I don’t understand why a man would. You said you are not a woman, but after reading all your reviews you sure do act and bitch like a woman. Come on, we all know that someone that wants to homosexualize America likes to pretend that he is a woman. Perhaps Duane should take the dildo out of his ass!! Fucking pussys like you make me sick. When you choose to suck another man’s dick or take some guys cock up your ass, you become a 2nd class citizen. You have no right to ever bitch. Please keep your mouth shut and get back into the closet.
hmmmm, and you wonder why most of America hates gays.

So eloquent. Let’s look at the face of a true bigot, and oh so clearly one of the highest forms of complete and total asshole, Jake P. of Dacula, GA, shall we:

Now, the review was flagged, and eventually taken down, and I didn’t even know about it until I randomly read this thread. However, Yelp allowed him to post another review, very similarly filled hate speech as the first one:

After reading Duane M. review that he likes to dress up like a woman and wants to homesexualize American, I had to do something. I go into Green’s a few times a month and everyone is very nice and helpful.
But, Duane with his fag bag is acting like a little bitchy woman.
Perhaps if Duane got his dildo out of his ass, all of America would be a better place to live in. Duane what you wrote about Green’s was pure hateful, you being a little light in the loafers should understand what is it to be hated.
You are not a woman, your worse. Your a 2nd class citizen, start acting like one.

That second review was even better, Jake flexes his superior knowledge of all things grammar (um, it’s you’re, sweetness, not your).

While this will probably be taken down as well (I’m fairly certain it has of this posting), I can’t help but question why Yelp would allow someone like this to remain a member of their site? As a member of Yelp for YEARS, I was honestly considering deleting everyone of my reviews and publicly declaring myself against their organization; especially because they did not initially seem to have much concern for their members (if only because this guy was allowed to go on posting hate speech, even after he was “punished” for doing it the first time). Not only am I extremely offended by the bigot that was allowed to spread his hate about me without any repercussion (on a public website that I am willingly a part of), but I am even more upset that they there was very slow response to one member of their site clearly gay bashing another (my point being that he was allowed to continue using the site with no restriction).

Well, I sent this post to the Atlanta Ambassador for Yelp, and I got an answer and a clear and expected response, and they are taking care of it. That is a major plus in the Yelp column. As I mentioned above, I considered severing ties with Yelp, because I have had enough people call me a faggot to my face during my lifetime, to continue supporting a web service that just gives someone the platform to do it to me on the internet. However, because of Yelp’s positive and proactive actions, I will not go that far. HOWEVER, and that is a BIG however, I still think that people like this should be banned from the site after a post as bad as his was; 3 strikes is clearly 2 too many with things like this. A first offense of this nature should not be tolerated. If you are clearly bashing another member of the site, do you really deserve a chance to keep contributing? It honestly destroys my hope for humanity when people like this rear their ugly heads, and spread their hatred for all to see.

UPDATE: BANNED. Yelp wins. AWESOME. Thank you YELP!!! I really makes me happy that Yelp takes things like this seriously.

Yeah, you’re right… being gay isn’t all that bad anymore. Being second class isn’t that big of a deal. Things are just swell for us, and we should stop complaining. RIIIIGHT.